lalicopa: (mwah)
Exactly four weeks ago, I had some cramping, bloating and funky discharge. I was pretty sure I was ovulating, but didn't know for sure. Then about two weeks later, I got my period.

Yesterday, I started having that bloating feeling and last night I had a little twinge on my right side. Sure enough, today I have that discharge again.

This may be old hat for all of you. You may be like, well, duh....that's how it works. But it's NEVER worked like this for me. Like *NEVER* in all caps with asterisks.

I almost feel bad that I'm not trying to make a baby because it's never been this predictable. I wish I knew that I wanted another baby, but I don't. I'm so tired and I'm having a hard time being a mother of three...I can't imagine doing all of this pregnant and then adding another person to the mix. Not to mention that I'm sure I'd get twins, just because.

It's just like I'm being taunted by my hormones. I have always dreamed about having a normal cycle and it's never happened. Not even when I was going for fertility treatment to conceive Laszlo. This is really blowing my mind.

It's such a big deal to me for so many reasons. I always felt masculine. I always felt big and hairy and zitty. I always felt not as pretty as I could have been. Yeah, most of that is cosmetic, but it colored a huge part of my life. I think it's why I love being pregnant so much and why I feel so strongly about breastfeeding, because it's girl stuff my body did right.

I don't think any of you 28 day-ers can really get how big this is for me. I just have to record it because I'm so amazed by it. I credit pretty much all of it to exercise. When we attended an infertility conference after I miscarried (just before Laszlo was conceived) we went to a few PCOS forums and they all mentioned ongoing research about exercise regulating PCOS women's cycles. I shrugged it off due to laziness and I think a fear that it wouldn't work and then what.

I joined the gym in August and I've been going religiously. I have no intention of stopping. Especially now with this. Exercise is the only thing that's different. I can't believe how important exercise has become to me. I can't wait to get more and more buff and for the summer when I can show off and hopefully be in a bikini. I mean, anyone *can* wear a bikini, but I want to look like I *should* be in one. ;-)


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