lalicopa: (ella's second bday)
...and not in a good way. Ella has been little Miss Destructo lately and I can't take it. She is a whirling dervish, she just wrecks everything in her path. I try cleaning up, and she's right behind me taking stuff out and throwing it all over the floor. She opens every drawer, cabinet, laundry bag and just throws stuff all over. She knows she's bad and makes this evil little face when she's been busted. The house literally looks like a tornado came through. I give up.

I guess once she gets to the point where she can actually understand consequences, it will be easier...but nothing's been working.

She's lucky she's so freakin' gorgeous, I tell you all...because I'd have her up for sale.

Ack

Dec. 9th, 2008 05:11 pm
lalicopa: (Default)
I've been sick for a week. This is the longest I've been sick in many years. I can't remember the last time. I went three whole days with NO voice. It's still very hoarse, but it's getting back. I was able to take a few naps, which is rare and awesome.

Today I ventured out a bit with my mom and the girls. Ella's a nightmare to take anywhere. She's the kid who runs off in stores and doesn't answer to her name. I always thought those leashes people put on their kids were horrifying, but now I totally see their purpose. She's a leash kid. She wriggles out of her stroller and screams when she's not moving. She's ok if I hold her, but my back just started feeling better (since she waited until 19 months to start walking) and I'm not really interested in carrying her and her 27 pounds around. We went to the mall because Laszlo needed a new winter coat and Lily needed sweaters. It was eerily uncrowded.

When Laszlo got home, I told him I got him a new coat because his old one was getting small. He paused, then said, "Mom!?! I'm getting bigger, my coat's not getting SMALLER!" Like duh.

So I've been chilling since we got home and now I have a horrible headache. It's that sinus-y headache. The kind that aches on an entire side of my head, and feels like my teeth are all loose on that side. I took two Aleve, but I think I'll end up at the doctor after all. Just when I thought I had this beat without antibiotics. Well, we'll see how I am tomorrow. I'm so not looking forward to letting a sinus infection fester for any length of time...when I get the bad ones, there is nothing that relieves the pain other than at least 24 hours on antibiotics.

Ick. I wanted to avoid going. Oh well.

Ella's up from her nap. Joy. Lucky she's the cutest thing ever.
lalicopa: (cutethreads logo)
I pretty much stopped doing my Cute Threads business when I had Ella. I still made the odd thing here or there, but my rack was sparse and I was telling people I'd start again one day, but not sure when.

A few months ago, several of my friends convinced me to start again.

My friend Lori got me to do two local shows (one at a fundraiser for a co-op nursery school and one at a local synagogue for members), neither of which were very successful. At the first fundraiser, there were about ten vendors, and they placed me two tables away from the other tie dye kids' clothing table. And her stuff was really trendy, so she made $750 (I heard her checking out with the organizer) and I made $150. My stuff is WAY nicer, totally unique, but people don't want unique. They want what they see in stores and what they see all over the place.

The second fundraiser was better, even though I made less money. It wasn't because people were buying trendy stuff, it was because nobody was really buying and there was a shitty turnout...

Tonight I did my first house party. I was hesitant, but agreed because Lori arranged it and said the house was perfect, etc. Lori sells Melissa and Doug stuff discounted and she also sells jewelry that she makes AND picture frames. I thought it was going to be me and Lori. I walked in and there was a woman setting up layette stuff; onesies, blankets, hats, socks...really cute. But it was fucking kid clothes. I have newborn stuff. I don't understand why if there is any other vendor, my stuff doesn't sell. My prices are very reasonable, my stuff is awesome (not being biased, people always tell me how great it is) but it just doesn't sell.

I agreed to do one more fundraiser and I made the organizer guarantee me that there wouldn't be any other tie dye OR kid clothing vendors. She was happy to guarantee me and said she heard my stuff was great and she was glad I agreed to do it. She actually tried getting me last year, but she called the night we put Alabama to sleep and I couldn't focus. Anyway...

I came home with sixty bucks tonight, and that's from the hostess of the party tonight. I would have charged her less, but she booked the other woman, which totally pissed me off. That's all I sold. THE WHOLE TIME.

My website is horribly outdated, I need to photograph all the super cool things I've made recently and get that back up and running. At least I'll have someplace to display my stuff to people who are interested.

It took so much for me to start working again. I was fearful of the rejection I felt in the past. It took me a while to build up my business and it was doing great when I stopped.

It's not the economy, because people were buying tons of Lori's shit. And people bought from that other woman tonight too, albeit very few things.

I'm aggravated and insulted. I feel like a loser. I feel like maybe I'm delusional, but I know I'm not because people are seriously always saying how much they love my stuff and how they want to order stuff, blah blah blah.

On the way home just now I was thinking about throwing myself a house party, with all my friends and their friends. I know the turnout would be huge. I could get rid of my kids for the night or I could have them stay in the basement or upstairs for most of the time. I am really thinking about doing this...also this way if someone wants something that I don't have on the rack, I can show them the size in a blank or I can show them a fabric, etc. in the basement. I just think maybe that would get my confidence back up and put things back the way they were. But if I did all that and still didn't sell anything, I think I'd just fucking totally give up.

Oh, the first fundraiser I did, the one with the other tie dye table? The girls who own that business approached me to do their dyeing for them! They wanted peace symbols and guitars and stars, because they outsource all their dyeing (which is fucking ugly) and they were totally impressed with my mad dye skillz.

So WTF????

I wanted to come home and talk to Robert about it, for him to tell me how beautiful my stuff is (because that's one thing he actually does), but for the first time EVER, I got home early AND everyone is sound asleep. I'm in shock. I never got home this early from a home party and the kids have never all been sleeping.

And I've got a splitting headache.

And I ate like a total animal at the party, like two dozen pigs in blankets, half a pound of cheese and four brownies.

And I only went to the gym once this week.

I totally hate myself right now.
lalicopa: (funny faced lily)
Lily, Ella and I take a music class every Thursday. It's based on the very popular Music Together series, only the teacher left that organization and rerecorded all the music adding her own touches. A local family hosts the class at their house. The dad is usually home because he's a cantor and the mom doesn't work. Their older daughter T is in Lily's class and the younger one is under a year old.

A few months ago we started staying for lunch with one other mom (my friend Lori) and her two daughters, also one in Lily's class and the other under a year.

The other girls are not four yet and Lily's been four since March. Lori's daughter Eden is very friendly, pretty mature, gorgeous, etc. T is a baby. A spoiled baby. And she worships Eden. It's the typical two against one dynamic with the big girls every week.

I spoke to Lori about Eden and T leaving Lily out. She spoke to Eden and since then Eden has been significantly better. T has not. T's mom has spoken to her and I've seen her scold her on many occasions, but she just does not listen.

Today the girls were playing and T took a toy away from Lily to give it to Eden. She looked at me, saw that I was upset and then gave Lily a different toy.

The girls went into the basement to play while the parents and babies were upstairs after lunch. I thought I heard Lily crying, so I said, "I can't tell if it's laughter or crying I hear." The other moms agreed that if it was crying, one of them would have been upstairs to tattle, since that happens a dozen times while we're there.

No tattling.

About ten minutes went by and I felt that it was Lily crying, so I said, "You know, I may be paranoid, but that sounds like Lily crying to me."

I went downstairs.

Lily was in hysterics, outside the office in the basement, the door to the office was shut. T and Eden were inside the room, not letting Lily in. Lily was trying to open the door but couldn't, and she was screaming and crying asking them to let her in.

I opened the door and saw Eden on the computer playing and T with her fucking evil face looking up at me. She was actually taking pleasure in the fact that she made Lily cry. It was clear as day. She only wiped the smile off her face when I started to go ballistic telling them it wasn't ok that they did that to Lily. I wanted to shake the shit out of that kid, but I refrained and instead comforted my child and took her upstairs to clean up her tears.

I told the grown ups what happened. They went right downstairs and were there for a few minutes. T and Eden came up and apologized to Lily in that lame ass way kids apologize when they're forced to.

I couldn't even look at my friends. I just had to leave. I wanted to cry. I still want to cry. Lily is the sweetest fucking child I've ever met. She's never mean. She never leaves anyone out. When I took Lily upstairs she was telling me through her sobs that she told them earlier that if they were nice to her she'd invite them to her birthday. She was trying to guarantee that they weren't mean to her. She thought the promise of a party would cinch it. But it didn't work. Bitches.

In the car I told Lily flat out that I don't think T is a nice girl. I told her that I think Eden is nice, but that sometimes when there are three kids, it's hard to all get along. Then I told her that we're not staying for lunch anymore after music. It's ok if they ignore her during class because she's with me and she's participating. But this is ridiculous.

I don't have to stay anywhere my kids aren't 100% comfortable, let alone a place that makes her cry every freakin' week.

Also, I know Lori's going to say that the girls aren't always mean to her, that Lily has to toughen up, etc. If that was the case, Lily would cry in other social situations, which she does NOT. She has play dates all the time and this is the ONLY thing that makes her cry like that.

I'm so angry. I'm mostly angry at myself for putting Lily on the line like that. For not going downstairs the first time I thought I heard her crying. For giving a shit what my peers think even when my momma bear instincts are always right.

Grrrrrrr

Aug. 26th, 2008 08:46 pm
lalicopa: (Default)
I'm cranky. And no, it's not PMS. The kids are home this week and I'm frazzled. We have plans every day, which is good, but I'm still with them 24/7, all of them. Today Laszlo had his annual eye exam and we were all at the office for three hours. And the doctor mentioned surgery, which he never mentioned to me before. So that was upsetting. He did say it was not an emergency and that it "could wait one year, three years, whatever," so that was good. In plain terms, Laszlo's eyes jiggle back and forth. Strangely it doesn't effect his vision. But people with this condition (both my brothers and my mom, for example) automatically find their "null zone" which is the position their eyes jiggle the least. For Laszlo, it means putting his head down a bit. My brother Seth turns his head to the left. The surgery would change his gaze. The dr. said it was because putting your head down can effect driving and sports down the road, and can put stress on the neck.

I'm in absolutely no rush to do this. Robert, of course, thinks that the sooner the better if it may effect his ability to play sports (read: fit in with his friends). So...that's just the cherry on the cake today.

And Ella didn't nap all day. She finally fell asleep on the way home from the doctor around 5 and then woke up a half hour later. She ate a ton and then was miserable since. Thankfully Robert took pity on me and took her for a drive so I could try and regain some sanity.

The kids just never stop talking to me. It's lovely and I hate it at the same time. I'm SO living that Family Guy clip everyone has seen with the lil kid calling his mother a zillion times and finally she answers him and he just says, "hi."

The summer went too fast. My bro and sil are leaving on Saturday. I'm sad. And the summer wasn't at all what I expected. I thought I'd be in bikini shape and be lounging at the pool every day. I have a herniated disc in my back and had to slow down working out for a few weeks (until I saw the orthopedist) so I fell off the work out wagon. I'll be back, but that sort of sucks too.

I did get some things in the house in order this summer, which is great. But it's still always a mess and I cannot keep it neat. That's sort of making me crazy too. I can clean the kitchen so there is nothing on any countertop and not a crumb to be found, and within very few hours, it's a pig sty again. I don't understand it. I really hate it, I can't stand walking around and seeing mess in every room, and it's almost more frustrating to spend time cleaning and putting away just to have it crapped all over again. I don't even get to enjoy the order.

Man, if I didn't just get over my period, I'd be sure I'm PMSing.

Oh, and my mom's leaving tomorrow for over 2 weeks on a European cruise, so that blows for me and the kids too.

Ok, no more venting. At least for this post.
lalicopa: (Default)
Robert came home early so we went with my sister in law and niece (my bro was away) to a new burger place that opened.

It's a very small place, only about 8 tables. There seems to be a lot of waiters. The menu is great, lots of fried stuff, lots of burgers (beef, kobi beef, veggie, turkey, lamb) and nice sides.

We were about to order, and I saw a small sign on the wall. It said, "We cook in peanut oil. We're sorry to all our friends with allergies." *Nothing* on the menu, *nothing* on the front door, *nothing* mentioned by the wait staff. If I hadn't seen the teeny sign, we would have gone and ordered Layne (my niece) chicken fingers and fries...without knowing they were all fried in peanut oil. My niece is allergic to peanuts. My sis in law carries and Epipen wherever they go. I was so enraged.

Janet asked the waitress if they had anything that wasn't fried in peanut oil. She said she didn't think so, but would ask in the back. Some guy with a patch over one eye came out and told us that he'd try with vegetable oil. They seemed surprised that we asked...like nobody had asked before. I guess that's highly possible since there is only ONE sign and it's minute. I took a picture on my cell phone, I'll upload it and post it later on when I'm able to get my stuffed belly off the couch.

I feel that it's irresponsible at best, criminal at worst.
lalicopa: (Default)
I was IMing with M, (formerly suicidal friend) and mentioned something I wanted to tell her (gossip, nothing important). She said she was leaving for the library and would call me from her cell in 15 minutes.

She called, and as I answered the phone, Lily asked me for some play doh. I told her I'd get it in a minute. Then I heard Ella wake up, so in between telling M. the story, I said hello to Ella and put her on the changing table. M. said, "Don't talk to you kids, just tell me the story." Um, what? So I ignored her and kept on doing what I was doing. So she fucking said it again. I said, "You want me to not talk to my kids?" She said, "Well yeah, it's just that it's every time I talk to you, and when I talk to Kathleen, she never does it." (Kathleen has ONE child who is at least 3 years old.)

I said, "Ok, I have to go," and I hung up on her.

She called me right back, but I ignored it. Her message said something like, "I'm sorry if I offended you, but I wanted to hear the story and I had to go to the library and I just asked you not to talk to your kids so you could tell me it."

I'm not one of those moms who talks to their kids instead of paying attention...I was answering my kids and putting them off, ("will get your play doh when I'm done" etc.) so I *could* finish the story. And I wasn't going to pick Ella up without giving her a kiss. Fuck that.

I emailed her this:

You know what, M...if I asked you to stop detailing your ailments every time we get on the phone or stop talking about your cats or stop talking in a baby voice to me so we could get to the crux of the conversation, I think you'd be offended as well.

Kathleen has ONE child. And he's not a baby. Don't compare talking to her to talking to me.

If my children ask me questions while I'm on the phone I'm going to answer them, not tell them to shut up because I have to tell someone a story that's not important.

I'm sickened that I have spent so much time worrying about her well being. She may be mentally ill, but she has *NO* ability to not put herself first in every situation. It's beyond pathological.
lalicopa: (fuck)
The last 2 days have been icky actually. Lots of stupid errands and running the kids from 1 thing to another. Not enough time for myself.

Tomorrow the guys are coming to patch up the basement floor so they can lay the carpet on Thursday. My brother's taking the red eye Thursday from California and staying here, in the very newly carpeted basement. I have to get lots of things together for a sale I'm doing (first with the tie dye stuff) this coming Sunday and I feel like I have nowhere near enough inventory and that I'm going to have a repeat of last year where I was so excited and ended up selling ONE bib.

My garage is full of stuff that was in the basement so I will have to sort through all that and put back what should go back. I need to organize the garage because it's a 2 car garage without room for an extra bicycle, let alone ONE car.

Lily's been wicked and I'm not sure what's going on with her. She had 102.5 last night, but no fever today. But she was SO out of sorts. And Laszlo's had this nagging cough for a month that I already had the dr. check, but I want it checked again because it is not going away. I'm sure it's allergies, but giving him Benadryl to sleep every night just doesn't seem ok.

I have so many projects that need finishing that I can't manage to start even one.

My fish is dying. She has a huge tumor on her belly and is swimming all crooked. I can't decide if it's better to just flush her now and put her out of her misery or wait until she is gone. NO biggie, but it's just another thing going on. Insert obligatory joke about life sustaining surgery on $5 fish here.

My whole family has plans for Sunday to be at my house. Of course these plans were made without my knowledge and I'm doing that craft thing from 9-2. I don't want to sacrifice that, but at the same time, I rarely see my California brother. He's staying for a few days, so hopefully I can convince him to stay in NYC with my other brother until later in the afternoon.

Everyone and everything was annoying me today. My kids were just out of control. Laszlo ran out of therapy when we were done and pushed the elevator button and actually GOT on the elevator. I grabbed him before the door shut...but he dropped this stupid frog finger puppet (that we have literally 100 of at home - thank you Oriental Trading) and was going insane about losing it. For an hour.

And then Robert comes home and just goes ON and ON about work. I mean, there's just so much financial information I can digest after a day of stressing and being annoyed. And then after spending 5 minutes with the kids, he starts complaining how they're out of hand today. I said, "Yeah, and you just spent 5 minutes with them. Try 12 hours." Then he was irritating the shit out of me and I said, "I just got finished telling you how stressed out I am today, I don't need any added stress." It has really been feeling like I have 3 children with the way Robert sometimes behaves. And it's so fucking frustrating.

Ok, rant over. Regularly scheduled nonsense to return tomorrow, hopefully.

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