One of the many reasons I'm retarded...

I've mentioned my crush on the kids' pediatrician in the past. He's a 40-ish, never married, geeky-yet-adorable, brilliant and kind man. I always feel like he flirts with me, but not in a scuzzy way. In the back of my mind every time Robert and I get in a big argument, I say to *myself*, "Ok, now we'll get divorced and I'll marry Dr. Evan." Which is totally nuts, and I don't ever want to be divorced from Robert unless some crazy circumstances jump out of the blue, but it was always there in my head.

We went to the office yesterday because Laszlo was sick. Dr. Evan was on call. So we started our usual banter, etc. I asked how he's been. "Well, if you ask me about today, I'm busy and a little tired, but in general I'm great because I got engaged." My heart physically sank. I cannot believe how upset I am about this. Then he tells me that she's a divorcee and has kids. I think that was the clincher. I'm so stupid. It's totally irrational. Seriously now. Someone needs to smack me.

Oh, and I honestly did feel happy for him and told him so, congratulating him several times without seeming like a psycho.