Three...that's the magic number

A few weeks ago I heard Laszlo talking to Lily. She accidentally said, "Back when I was a little boy..." Laszlo said, "Lily, you used to be a little boy? What happened, you had gender assignment surgery?"

I jumped in. I asked what he was talking about. He said, "Mommy, you told me that people can change their gender by gender assignment surgery."

I had no recollection of that conversation, but I DO tell them stuff like that if the subject comes up. I told him it was gender REassignment surgery. But like, months ago. And he remembered it. The kid's brain is such a vault, and he uses everything appropriately, even if it's just been filed away for ages.

I went to Laszlo's "Writers' Celebration" in his class. One of the boys was having some difficulty reading and Laszlo said, "Frankie needs to practice his fluency." I almost choked on my corn muffin.

Ella will be three in a month. She is so gorgeous and funny that she takes my breath away. She is obsessed with Yo Gabba Gabba. She has the small figurines of the characters and she sits quietly for hours making them talk to each other and sing the songs from the show. She adds other toys to the mix. I have to videotape her because it's so precious and funny.

Robert bought her a Barbie doll the other day and she keeps calling it "Barley." So now I ask her to say the doll's name and she says, "Barley is a dinosaur, magic magic-ation."

She's also started calling me Momma instead of Mommy. All the kids did this for some reason and I just love it every time. The other two went back to Mommy after a while...I'm hoping Ella sticks with the Momma.

Lily is still all that's sweet and good in the world, but she has been feeling her oats a little and being a bit annoying. She's been deliberately irritating Laszlo and Ella and even me sometimes, just to get a reaction. I guess being good becomes boring after a while - not that I'd know. ;-)

We've been passing cooties all around our house. It started with Laszlo about 2 weeks ago. Turned out he had strep. Then Ella had the vomit/diarrhea virus. Lily has had major boogers and a cough. I had a belly thing for a few days that prevented me from really eating. Ella finally got better and has been eating us out of house and home for the last 2 days. Laszlo finished his antibiotics.

At 3 am today Laszlo woke up screaming. He said he had a nightmare that we all left him. Then he started asking me if his head grew because his head felt gigantic. I took him back to his room and touched his back. FIRE. I gave him Motrin and some Triaminic nighttime stuff to get him to sleep. He's still sleeping. I didn't actually take his temperature because I knew it was very high and I knew I'd freak out if I actually saw the number. I'm praying when he wakes up that it's lower.

Clearly no school for him today, possibly tomorrow...which means Ella can't go to her favorite class today (unless I can somehow guilt my mother into coming over to watch him while I take Ella).

The good news is that I have a ton of cleaning and laundry to do, so I can certainly keep busy in the house today. And it's insanely cold, I'm sitting in my usual spot by the window and the cold is just coming through and freezing my bones.

Cooties, be gone!

Ella has declared a clear preference for Robert. If he's holding her and he hands her off, she goes NUTS. If he leaves the room, she pitches a fit. When he's not around, she's fine, but once he's home and on the weekends, she wants nothing to do with me - which is fine by me.

This is good for a variety of reasons, other than obviously the fact that it gives me a break from Crazy Bella. It's good because it suits Robert's ego, he assumes this whole role like he knows her better than I do and asks me to fetch things for her (how could I NOT know to get her a drink, right?). As long as I am a short distance away from them, I'm golden.

This is also good because I get to focus a bit on Lily. I am eternally worried that she's going to get lost in the shuffle because she's so good and mellow. I'm trying to focus on spending some alone time with her and doing whatever I can to make her feel special. She's the sweetest person on the planet (no, really) and I don't want her to be cheated because her brother and sister are more demanding. Like when I reward Laszlo for doing something right, Lily will say, "but I was good too!" and I can't just say, "Yeah, but you're *always* good, Lily, you don't get a prize for that."

So last night, I was reading to Lily in her bed and Robert was in our bed with his girl and Laszlo. All of a sudden I heard Robert call out and then I heard Ella screaming. Then, "Jennnnnn!" I asked, "Is she ok?!?" He said, "Yeah, it's me." I ran into the bedroom to see Robert holding Ella at arm's distance and his eyes were shut because he had a face full of vomit. He is always playing too rough with her, but she loves it. I got him a warm washcloth and then took Ella to change her clothes and clean her up. Then I walked out of the room and cracked up. :-)

With all the excitement, Lily didn't want to stay in her room, so she joined everyone in our room. She was naked, as usual. We were all watching TV and laughing and stuff...and then it calmed down a bit and Lily was lying face down on the bed, Laszlo was mellow too and Ella was deliriously tired. Lily said, "Mommy, Ella's sitting on my tushie." Then, "Mommy! Ella's kissing my tushie!" I looked and saw Ella holding Lily's tush and trying to nurse. I mean, Lily has the softest mushiest tush in the world. And it does kinda look like cleavage. We had another good laugh. Lily was trying to get Ella to do it again, but we were discouraging it. :-)

This morning Lily woke up and said, "Mommy, I was dreaming! I was dreaming that I was in 'kini Bottom." (where Spongebob lives) "I was playing with Plankton and we were best friends and we were putting on a show." I asked her if she wanted to come downstairs for breakfast. She said, "No Mommy, I wanna dream some more," and then she lied back down on her pillow. Then, "Mommy, do you wanna come dream with me?"

Like I said, sweetest person on earth.

It's so gorgeous out today. I took Ella to my mom's because she needed help setting the table for Passover tomorrow. Ella fell asleep on the way, so I took her out and she stayed asleep...so I just hung out in the sun in the rocker while Ella snoozed. Talk about absolute perfection.

Then she got up with a snuggly smile. Mmmmmmm.

I hung out at Mom's for a bit, set the table and then went to Laszlo's school to pick up the class tadpoles that we're watching for the break.

Came home, unloaded tadpoles, waited for Lily to get off the bus.

Kibbles was getting groomed so I took all three kids in the Sit n' Stand to pick her up. She was supposed to be ready, but she wasn't, so we had to wait in this tiny shop with teeny dog hair dust all over the place (it's immaculate, but it just can't be helped) and after a few minutes, Ella realized she only had a twenty minute nap today and LOST IT. Yay.

The dog was finally ready and looks so cute, I think it's the best grooming she's ever had. I have to take pictures of her little face. They put pink bows on her ears and a little T-shirt from the store.

Came home and Laszlo decided to be horrendous. He was trying to get Lily to "deliver stuff" to other people's houses and I caught them just as he was letting them both out of the backyard. It was so much nicer when he couldn't reach the latch. I used to be totally fine if they were in the backyard because they had nowhere to go, but now he opens the gates on either side to play in the front too.

Then Laszlo thought it would be great to throw rocks at the house. I saw him and told him to stop, so he threw another. Then I told him to stop or he'd have a time out. I told him to think about what he was doing. The little prick picked up another rock and threw it.

Time out time.

Much screaming ensued.

I told him the more he screamed the longer the time out would be. He ended up with a ten minute time out. And a spank on his tush (he is wearing jeans so I doubt he even felt it).

After the ten minutes was up, he went straight to the freezer and said, "I need ice on my feelings and you smacked my tushie." Get it, because I hurt his feelings. Mr. Literal.

Now he's being good, but it's those things that just set me off and frazzle the hell out of me. And as usual, Robert's not coming home for hours. At least Ella's napping now and the house is clean. Of course since she went in at 5 pm, she'll be up until at least ten and then will probably get up at least once through the night.

I'm stopping now because I'm even boring myself.

Drumroll please!

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I expected to get the kids quiet by 8-ish, then take a nice long bath and watch a movie. Ha. Yes, you heard it here. Ha.

Cutting for TMI in the child-excrement category:

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Not sure what detail I've gotten into about my childhood, but the main recurring thing that fucked me up (other than my parents' marriage) was that my mother *clearly* favored my middle brother. I have 2 brothers, 9 and 12 years older than me. The one who is 9 years older, S., is different from J. and me - in ways other than our first initial. I grew up with the blatant knowledge that my mother preferred boys in general, and my one brother over either of us. I have heard my mother say on many occasions, "I just love little boys. Little girls just say, 'Look how pretty I am' while little boys say, 'Look how high I can jump!'" I know deep down inside that it probably comes from some self hatred or jealousy, but that never made it hurt any less being her only daughter.

I'm sure you can see where this is going.

My mother has also made it quite clear, although without saying it flat out (something different than when I was growing up) that she prefers Laszlo to Lily. When I talk to her on the phone, she will often say, "How's my man today?" and then ask about Lily a few minutes later. She *knows* this gets under my skin. When I was pregnant with Laszlo, I went to her house crying saying that I was worried she wouldn't love my child if it was a girl. I guess I figured that she got over herself by the time I was pregnant with Lily, or that I just didn't give a shit because my family is MY family and she's extended family at this point.

Last week I took both kids to the pool at my mother's house and my mom was there with a friend I hadn't met before. As we walked up, my mother started saying, "Anne, this is Laszlo, the love of my life. My best friend. Laszlo, can you say hi to Grandma's friend Anne?" This went on for a few minutes, then I said, "Hi Anne, this is Lily." My mother made a face as if I was nuts. Then a few minutes after Anne left, my mother came over to me and my friend and said, "Anne couldn't get over Laszlo." I asked her why. She said, "Oh, just because he's so gorgeous and smart and funny." Meanwhile, Laszlo spent about 20 seconds in her presence and spent the rest in the pool with me and Lily and his friends. My friend Sheryl said, "Did she say anything about Lily?" "No." At least Sheryl saw it first hand now, so I can talk to someone who has witnessed this sick behavior. Prior to that, she thought I was exaggerating.

This afternoon my mother called from Manhattan because she had a few minutes before the show she's there to see started. She said, "How's he doing today?" So I said, "Who?" She said, "My little buddy." I said, "He's fine, is there any reason he shouldn't be?" (sorta figuring maybe I forgot something that he didn't feel well or something). She said no, just that she wanted to know how he was doing today. I said, "He's fine. Lily's fine too." She said, "I was just going to ask about her." I shit you not.

My mother's not the kind of person I can have a rational discussion with about this, because then it turns into me attacking her, me bossing her around and controlling every word she says, etc. Which of course is just what I'm trying to do. If I tell her I was hurt by the same behavior growing up, her reply is, "Well you're nuts" or "You're right, I'm a terrible mother." I just don't know how to shield my precious children from this. It's not just Lily I want to shelter, it's Laszlo too, because it's just as unhealthy for him to be around it. I don't want to limit her seeing him/them, because that's really not the end result I'm looking for here. I just can't take this shit anymore. It's infuriating.

Lily is so cute and funny and good and delicious. People say to me, "Oh, your mother must eat her up." Nope. And people similarly assume that I was spoiled because my mother had a 9 and a 12 year old boy when she finally got a daughter. Nope.

Thanks for letting me vent, and for reading this far.