Yeah, I know the answer to this one already

[lalicopa]

The days that I'm the crankiest are the days I end up being the most nauseated.  So I'm guessing it's the hormones that are doing both.

I hate everyone right now. 

Of course, being awakened at 7:45 by Robert to take care of Lily was annoying enough, when he didn't have to leave the house for an hour to play tennis.  Then he left for tennis and came home, then took a shower and WENT to the GYM.  Granted, I support him doing these things and I'm very glad he takes care of his health.  It's extremely important to me and it's one of the things that eases my mind when I am reminded that he's 14 years old than me.  (hmmm, wonder if that's why 14 is Laszlo's favorite number, heh).  But on the mornings after the nights he knows I've been up with at least one kid...and he sees that they are misbehaving and bickering with each other...wouldn't you think he could adjust his schedule to say, NOT go to the gym? 

And he's playing tennis tomorrow morning at 8.  So no sleeping in for me then either.

I told him, as nicely as I could, that I was overwhelmed today.  His pat answer is that he told me to hire a babysitter.  Yeah, well I despise having someone work for me.  Literally, despise.  I can't stand being someone's boss and feeling obligated to that person.  I cannot tell you the stress this 13 year old mother's helper I had this summer caused me, just by the nature of agreeing to employ her. 
Then of course, it's time to make me feel bad.  So he said, "I did 2 nice things for you in the last few days.  We went out to your favorite restaurant and I bought you a present."  Yeah, he came home the other night with 2 really cute hair clips for Lily and a funky watch for me.  So, I don't wear a watch, and you'd think the man I've been married to for 7 years would know this, but it is really cool and I WILL wear it.  And it was super nice of him and it made me very happy.

AND I'm fucking exhausted.  I don't understand how doing something nice somehow buys you the right to disappear all morning Saturday leaving me with cranky kids...the one day I was able to sleep in.  My mother used to do that to me.  She'd buy me a shirt and then be a wicked bitch to me a day or so later.  "That's right Jen, I'm a horrible mother.  Would a horrible mother buy you a shirt that you liked?"  I guess this is just pushing all my buttons and I'm so fucking hormonal and frustrated at this very moment.

Part of me wants Robert to take the kids to my mom's today and I'll stay here alone, but the other part of me wants to go and just lie in the sun and do nothing.  Hopefully between my mother, Robert, brother and sister in law, my participation in child care can be limited.

Comments

[cvantien.livejournal.com]

Tiredness was always (and still is to an extent) the one thing that was guaranteed to make me feel more nauseous and more like a bitch on wheels. Husbands mostly just don't understand how physically demanding it is to be growing a baby in the early stages, because you don't look like an elephant yet they think you are still the normal you. That doesn't help at all, so here's some {{{{{hugs}}}} instead.

[intravenous.livejournal.com]

I wonder if it would bother you less if it was just a friend helping you. It makes me wish I was closer because I swear, I would come over every day off and help you with your kids. It would keep my mind off of wanting my own, if nothing else.
RAMBLING AGAIN. The point of this comment was to ask if you think it's just being the boss that bothers you or having someone who is not the parent help take care of the kids?

[lalicopa.livejournal.com]

Aw, I wish you could. I think my kids would totally dig you.

It's not the person watching the kids...I don't like to be anyone's boss. We have a cleaning lady once a week and I cannot stand it. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that she comes, but I never know where to put myself when she's here. I worked for people for so long, I'm not comfortable being the one in charge.

[cold-still-life.livejournal.com]

(I know I'm late, I'm playing catch-up)

I agree with the previous comment. Would it be possible for you to get a friend to help you, rather than someone you hired? I really hate having someone working for me, but I've been known to go crazy from exhaustion without some escape, and it sounds like you're getting there.