Junior High School Moments

[lalicopa]

I've written in the past about my "infertility friends" - four other women who I met during an infertility support group. We each have two of our own biological children and we've all stayed friends. About a year or so ago, I learned that they had all been annoyed with me because they felt I was blowing them off for my newer mommy friends. I redeemed myself with extra points since then, or so I thought.

One of the girls has two sons. She's the only one without at least one daughter and this has always been a bone of contention. She got pregnant six weeks after her first son was born (after doctors told her she'd never be able to conceive again) and has been a basket case ever since.

She's also someone I don't feel particularly close to or trust.

That all said, I've been trying to negotiate a playdate at my house for all the kids since we moved in over two years ago. There was always some reason that it wasn't good...and when they were all angry with me, they actually thought I just wanted to show off my new house. Talk about people who don't really know me.

This is a good week for everyone since none of our kids start school until next week. It was either going to be Wednesday or Friday, but one of the girls (who I am closer to and haven't seen longer) wasn't able to make it Wednesday. Friday was good, but it turned out only in the later afternoon for THREE of the girls. Sarah was the one who could make it earlier but not later, and she's notoriously late and cancels frequently, so I wasn't going to change the plans on her behalf, only to be with her and her kids and not the others.

I sent this email confirming the plans:

Hey, it seems that it's better for most of you to do it later on Friday...so how about we say 3:00-ish on Friday and if anyone can make it earlier, that's great. 

 

Sarah, what time is your dr. appt again?  Maybe you can come after?  Or come before for a little bit?

 

Lemme know!

 

Long story short (sorta), she emailed me the following this morning:


I have to be honest, I'm a little hurt that you chose a time that I specifically said I'd have to leave. It may sound junior high, but, I really feel left out.

To which I responded:

I'm sorry you feel that way.  I was thinking of everyone's schedule.  You are more than welcome to still come over at 1, but nobody else can come until later.  I've been trying to host a playdate with everyone for months and this was the only week I knew that people had free time...Lisa has to be at the girls' school and Claudine has to be at Hannah's school and Amy has to nap Bryanna.  It is nothing personal and I'd still love for you to come. 

To which SHE responded:

Jen,

I thought that this was supposed to be a playdate for all of us.  I understand that it is difficult to accommodate everyone; however, I think that you were a little insensitive to my feelings -- through my e-mails, it was obvious that I want to make it.  To have me come at 1 and leave when everyone else arrives, I also think is unfair to my children, as they would be excited to see all.   The bottom line is that I just feel hurt.  I could have been approached differently and I could have bowed out on my own.  I did not have to feel excluded.

And finally, what I wrote back a few minutes ago:

Sarah,

 

Of COURSE it is a playdate for all of us, which is exactly why from the beginning, I tried to accommodate everyone's schedule.  And also why I said that perhaps you could come before (say from 2:30-3:30), giving your kids time to play and then go to your doctor's appointment...or come after. 

 

I think you are being extra sensitive here, nothing exclusionary was done.  The other THREE girls couldn't come at 1.  It's the scheduling that's the problem, not my behavior.

 

Again, I'm sorry you feel hurt.

 

- Jen

Did I do anything wrong here?  I certainly don't think so...and frankly, I don't care.  And if she says one more nasty thing or accuses me another time of being insensitive to her feelings, I'll reel off the list of things she's done over the years that I never mentioned to her that hurt MY feelings.  I've been writing that email in my head all day.  :-)

In other bitch news, I went to Laszlo's class orientation this morning.  For some reason they split the meetings into girls and boys, so only boys were there when Laszlo was there.  I would have rather it be split from A-M and N-Z or something, but I am sure they had their reasons.  Laszlo was a little overwhelmed to begin with and I think a little extra little girl estrogen would have done wonders for him.  At least the girls will be there on Monday. 

I recognized a few local moms.  I recently switched him into this class for a number of reasons, one of which is that this class has many more kids that will be attending his public school next year.  So this mom who knows me totally ignores me.  After the orientation thing, she was walking back from the office and I was going to find my mom and Lily and I said, "Wow, you got SO skinny!"  She said, "Oh HI!" like she hadn't seen me for the last half hour in the classroom.  Like there are other kids in the neighborhood named Laszlo.  She said, "Oh, are you in that class too?"  DUH BITCH.  Then she said, "And what school is he going to next year?"  I said, "Lakeside."  "Oh, just like MY son."  Yeah dumbass...people that aren't your social equals are going to attend school with your ugly little child.  They may even be on the same bus home from school this year!  Heavens.  I'm hoping Laszlo doesn't want any playdates with this kid because his mother is just a disgusting woman.  Very snobby.  SOOOO not my cup of tea.

All that said, his teachers are wonderful and some of the other moms seemed normal.  I hope a few of them drive their kids on Monday so I can meet them in a more relaxed environment.  Most of the parents bus their kids both ways, I like to drive Laszlo to school and have him take the bus home so I can have some contact with his teachers.  Either way, the KIDS seem really nice, in spite of their jappy mothers, and that's truly all that matters.  I have enough friends.  heh.

Comments

[gwendolyn77.livejournal.com]

Maybe if she's going to be like that she should try to do the scheduling next time. Then she might appreciate how hard it is to accommodate everyone.

[freshgroundfemm.livejournal.com]

She's being too sensitive, you did the right thing.

[charlosmum.livejournal.com]

I hate situations like this. Even if I'm convinced that I've been fair, friendly and accommodating, I'm left feeling sick to my stomach and second-guessing myself... as though *I* am the bad guy.

It sounds to me like you did the right thing -- the only thing, really, given everyone's schedules. What, she wanted the others *not* to make it? Maybe you could have made the date on, say, Tuesday, and then no one could have made it -- would that have made her happy? What would her solution be?

It sounds like she's being very unreasonable and more than a bit dramatic. Hope you all have fun anyway!

[tellinellen.livejournal.com]

And if she says one more nasty thing or accuses me another time of being insensitive to her feelings, I'll reel off the list of things she's done over the years that I never mentioned to her that hurt MY feelings. I've been writing that email in my head all day. :-)

hahahah that's totally what i would be doing.

[(Anonymous)]

"Did I do anything wrong here?"

Outside of putting it in your blog, I'd have to say, no.