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We went to a bris this morning and Laszlo behaved pretty awfully. And I just wasn't in the mood to deal. He finally got a grip, but he was bored and finally *knows* what "bored" means, and has no hesitation saying he's bored wherever we are. Not too embarrassing for me.

This baby boy is the twelfth baby in my (in)fertility support group. There were 5 of us in the group, within 6 months we all had our first babies with some sort of treatment (IVF, IUI, surgery, etc.) and 2 years later we all had our second babies with no treatment at all. Now I have Ella and Amy has Andrew, so there are 12. We often think back to the desperate hours we spent in that social worker's office crying about how badly we wanted to become mothers. I always said that I imagined a day where we'd all be out together with all our kids, they thought I was nuts at the time and now they each remind me of how I said that so many years ago.

So that's all good.

I'm just really tired and lethargic today. I played musical beds last night and found that I really like Lily's new bed. It's super firm and apparently that's what I need for my back. I just might try sleeping in it for a few nights and see if I can convince Robert that we need a new mattress.

My mother and her friend are coming over because her friend has been in Florida for a month and is dying to see my kids. My house looks like a bomb hit it, but I have NO energy to clean it up...like not even enough to clean up the jackets on the counter.

I'm looking into getting Laszlo tested for giftedness. It seems the next step before he starts kindergarten. It's hard because he's so freakin' smart, yet so behind socially...so it's difficult to figure him out. I always say I have no problem saying he's a genius because I can also say he's socially retarded. His new thing is telling me he doesn't love me if I don't cater to his every need, lil fucker. In any case, I'm looking at a private kindergarten for him http://www.psoli.com and we'll see how that goes. He's already registered at the public school for the fall, but I'm concerned about him academically and socially in that environment. I'm also going to call the superintendent there to talk about it, maybe she can offer me some information.

It's not supposed to be this hard, is it?

The girls are doing great. So is Laszlo, he just makes me crazy way more often. Ella wore her first dress today for the bris, pictures to follow of course. I felt like I was dressing a little doll. She's getting so big...I put her next to the new baby today and she was like twice his size. Yay boobies.

That's it I guess...just soooo very tired. Oh, and I'm fat too...that's not helping matters. I need to stop eating bread and pasta, then I'll work on the chocolate and ice cream. I think the bread/bagel/pasta combo is what's making me so exhausted. But how could I NOT have a bagel with lox and whitefish today at the bris? Right? And the cake, and rugelach? I mean, come ON. But seriously, I have gained probably ten pounds since Ella's birth. I'm so backward. I was so skinny and beautiful when I was pregnant and now I'm so lumpy and blech.

Off to drink some caffeinated beverage and hopefully wake up a bit before the grammas get here. We call my mom's friend Gramma Natalie because she's my mom's best friend and because she has no grandchildren. Lily hates her for no reason and it's so sad because Natalie really loves her. Lil bitch.

Oy

My friend that I've mentioned several times, the Vicodin addict, just went to rehab today. It's not her first time, but it is her first time as an inpatient at a facility that plans on keeping her 30 days. She hasn't had 30 days clean in years. She called me this morning all crazy and then just called me from the place and she says she wants to come home. I told her this morning that this would happen. I told her that she's going to get there and be miserable and want to come home. I told her she's no better than all the other addicts there. But of course, she's complaining about having to wait on line to use the phone and saying that the showers are gross, and that she isn't going to deal with it. She complained that she has a black roommate who uses street drugs (as opposed to the elegant meds my friend's using) and she's unhappy about that too. I told her again, "You're no better."

She's angry that people are happy and laughing. She's angry that they won't let her talk to any men there. Which is SUCH a good thing because otherwise she'd end up having sex with half of them, and probably will end up having sex with at least a handful of women.

I'm just frustrated. She's SOOOO manipulative. I can just imagine her coming home within a week. I told her that nobody is going to have any patience for her if she does that...that this is ther best chance to get better.

ARGHHHH

Then there's Robert. He calls me from the train during the witching hour here every evening. Nine times out of ten it's to complain about his boss. The last few times, he starts out horrible, telling me he's miserable and telling me his job is in jeopardy. It's always when I need to be holding Ella, when Laszlo and Lily are at each other's throats. Always when I just want to watch TV and clean the kitchen and relax until he gets home. So he dumps it all on me. The last few times, he starts out so bad and then within ten minutes he's telling me that he thinks it will be ok. But that's all after he's put all the negative shit on me. And I have to try and process it all.

So tonight he did it again. He told me his boss told him to shape up or he's out of there. His biggest complaint about her is that she wants him to do research her way, and he doesn't feel it's as valuable. I keep telling him to do it her way and just do his job the way she wants him to. I don't know why he can't get this through his head. He insists that if he does it her way, the investments he's involved in won't make money for the fund and thus won't make a bonus for him. He said that if he didn't have to work for her anymore, he'd feel free. So I said, "Yeah, free from income." He said, "I already said that...did you just say that to put the pressure on me?"

About a second later, he said that he's optimistic it's all going to work out there.

I lost it. I said, "You know, this nightly dumping routine stresses me out and I have reactions and I'm going to say things when you do this. You call me up basically telling me your job is gone and then wait ten minutes to tell me you think it's going to work. So here I am with the kids going nuts and being exhausted from no sleep last night...and then you say these things that put me in panic mode...and I have to process all of it and try and make sense, and then react. And the idea of you not having a job is scary to me. What do you expect me to say when you tell me how free you'd feel?"

He hung up pretty soon after that. Five minutes later he called to apologize...which is rare. Usually he takes those five minutes to come up with an argument about how what I said was mean and not supportive, blah blah blah...and how I'm selfish and mistreat him. This is where it almost always goes. But I'm impressed with myself for immediately sticking up for myself and also impressed that he had the smarts to immediately apologize. He called back a second time and apologized again, then asked me to wait for him for dinner because he bought some fresh bread in the city.

Why am I surrounded by crazies????