Advice

[lalicopa]

Lily keeps asking me WHERE the dog is. I told her that she was very old and very sick and she died. She told me that she could give her medicine to make her body work again. I told her I wish she could, but there was nothing anybody could do. She wants to know where she is and I don't really know what to tell her. I told her that she's in heaven, because I don't know what else to say.

Advice?????

Comments

[freedom123.livejournal.com]

I googled kids and pet loss and found this...
http://www.petplace.com/dogs/explaining-pet-loss-to-children-six-do-s-and-don-ts/page1.aspx

sorry I am HTML stupid and can't insert the link for you.

good luck.

[freedom123.livejournal.com]

oh, with snap previews it does it for me! yay! Carry on.

[lalicopa.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[galagwyn.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry for your loss, I'd meant to comment before now.

Tell her where the body is. What happened to it. Was she buried? Cremated? My kids really appreciated the mechanics of "what happened after death" and revisited it quite a few times (people in cemeteries, pets in the back yard, fish in the herb garden).

[lalicopa.livejournal.com]

I thought of that, but the idea of "her body is being burned and then we'll get her ashes" scares the shit out of ME, let alone how I think my 3 1/2 year old will take it.

[webhill.livejournal.com]

It depends what you believe. I forget how old Lily is but I have told my kids about death at ages like 2, 3, 4, 5, and 7, so....

"Fluffy was very old and sick, and died. Now, Fluffy's body is [in the ground, nourishing the plants; or, in the cemetery; or, going back to the earth; or, here in this box of ashes; just fill in wherever it actually is!], and Fluffy's spirit, the part of Fluffy that we loved so much, is free from the old sick body, and is [with God; or, in heaven; or, living forever in our hearts; or, helping to repair the world - whatever you actually believe]."

I have personally said to my kids aged 6, 4, and 2 at the time that "Oskar's body was just far too sick for mommy to fix. I tried and tried but I couldn't do it and in the end it was not fair to Oskar to try any more, because he was tired and suffering, and so he died. Now he isn't suffering any more, and he can live forever in our hearts."

I got some followup questions:

what happened to his body?
I told them "I sent it to be with other animals who died." I am very grateful that they did not require more specifics because the fact is he was sent for mass disposal which means rendering.

why couldn't you fix him?
"because everything that is born has to die, and it was his time, and doctors can't always fix what is wrong with living things."

will he come back?
"No, because he is dead. That is what being dead means - you do not ever come back."

Is he in the sky?
"what do you think?"

Hope this helps!

[lalicopa.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

Judging by what they told me was going on with her (tumor, inevitable blindness, clotting issues) and her age, do you think I did the right thing?

Today's sad, but I know that's normal.

[webhill.livejournal.com]

sorry, haven't read back enough on my FL to see the post where you talked about that, but I will comment there when I do. In the meantime, I can say that it is extremely rare for an owner to suggest euthanasia before I feel it is appropriate in this kind of situation. I mean, EXTREMELY rare. Either someone is a total bint who wants to bump off the dog because its fur clashes with the sofa, which clearly doesn't apply to you, or else they agonize over the decision and if anything tend to err on waiting a bit too long. Plus, if someone DOES say "oh, he has cancer, well, maybe I should just put him down" and I think it's too soon, I will say "oh, no, you don't need to do that yet." If your vet didn't say something like that odds are it was a reasonable decision.

[lalicopa.livejournal.com]

Yeah, both vets at our regular practice shook their heads when they asked how old she was, then the vet at the emergency clinic said it was the right decision...and so did the woman at my regular vet when I called her before I signed the papers.

[k425.livejournal.com]

YoungBloke was 3 when we took Felix to the vet for the last time. I had explained that I was taking him and might not be bringing him back because he was so poorly and I encouraged YB to say goodbye.

OldBloke took YB to the library while I was at the vet's but we all met up again at the car while I was putting Felix in the boot. YB didn't realise he was in the boot, but wanted to know where he was. I explained that he'd been so ill that the vet hadn't been able to make him better and he died. Then I said that we'd bury him in the garden and he would turn into soil and help new plants to grow.

OB dug a hole and I buried Felix that evening. YB knows where we put him, and knows he's in the garden making soil (last time they discussed pets at nursery he explained this and the nursery staff initially cracked up but said they thought it was a good idea of ours) but he does ask from time to time when Felix will come back...

You did the right thing for 'Bama.

[(Anonymous)]

Heaven's good. My daughter and I often had conversations about what Grandpa was doing now, in Heaven. When my mother's Alzheimer's got worse and she didn't know us anymore, I told my daughter Grandma was going to Heaven to be with Grandpa, but she was travelling much more slowly.

Don't overthink it; your kids will get used to the iea and become comfortable with it.

Josh's friend Annie

[tellinellen.livejournal.com]

i said "all gone." for a while banjo thought they were at the vet, because i brought them to the vet and they didn't come back. i just kept correcting him when he'd bring it up, explaining again. i do't want to explain cremation to him.